Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
