You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
