she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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