I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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