im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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