Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
