ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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