Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
