You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
