you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
