This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
