They should really pass out barf bags in church
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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