so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
