if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
