dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
