You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
