I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
