is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
