I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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