Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
