after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
