i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
