i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Success! We fucked roommates!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
