i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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