it was like his penis was on wheels.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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