If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
