I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
