I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
