I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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