This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
This girl is more easily done than said...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
