You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
