the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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