He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
