Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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