I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
