she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
