nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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