Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
