where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
