im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
