i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
