I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
