It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
