Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
