I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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