You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
