rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
