My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
