A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
