Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I want to have your abortion
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
